Medical True Stories?

Medical True Stories

The following have not been confirmed:

A man comes into the ER and yells, “My wife’s going
to have her baby in the cab!” The ER physician grabs
his stuff, rushes out to the cab, lifts the lady’s dress,
and begins to take off her underwear. Suddenly he notices
that there are several cabs, and he’s in the wrong one.

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A nurse at the beginning of the shift places her stethoscope
on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s posterior
chest wall. “Big breaths,” instructed the nurse. “Yes,
they used to be,” replied the patient.

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One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told
a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial
infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her
reporting to the rest of the family that he had died
of a “massive internal fart.”

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I was performing a complete physical, including the
visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet
from the chart and began, “Cover your right eye with
your hand.” He read the 20/20 line perfectly. “Now your
left.” Again, a flawless read. “Now both,” I requested.
There was silence. He couldn’t even read the large “E”
on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had
done exactly that I had asked; he was standing there
with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard
to finish the exam.

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A nurses’ aide was helping a patient into the bathroom
when the patient exclaimed, “You’re not coming in here
with me. This is only a one-seater!”

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During a patient’s two week follow-up appointment with
his cardiologist, he informed his doctor that he was
having trouble with one of his medications. “Which
one?”, asked the doctor. “The patch. The nurse told
me to put on a new one every six hours and now I’m running
out of places to put it!” The doctor had him quickly
undress and discovered what he hoped he wouldn’t see….
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now
the instructions include removal of the old patch before
applying a new one.

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While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, “How long have you been bedridden?” After a
look of complete confusion she answered, “Why not for
about twenty years — when my husband was alive.”

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A nurse caring for a woman from Kentucky asked, “So
how’s your breakfast this morning?” “It’s very good,
except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can’t seem to get
used to the taste,” the patient replied. The nurse
asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
packet labeled “KY Jelly.”

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